some dark poems

we're still in the high school period here, but we have made it to junior year, which was one of the hardest for me. that's when i got heavy into depression and suicidal thought; i used to have tons of these poems but i can only find a few of them now. here we go:

feel no more
i will shed no more tears
for i can no longer cry
sorrow is useless
the pain is greater than the sky
i will no longer mourn
for it does me no good
you can't understand
though i once wished you could
but i no longer hope
for dreams don't come true
you proved that for me
though you never knew
i will no longer love
for it's a waste of a heart
this feeling dies hard
so why ever start?
all the emotions
they all end in pain
so why ever feel?
it's all done in vain

almost real
what a life i lead,
to live just for the day!
so little time to work,
so much time to play!
isn't it a joy
to have nothing left to do
so we can have a little fun,
together me and you!
oh wait, this isn't real
it's only just a dream
i knew that things couldn't be
as good as they seem

some God poems

these are basically all earlier poems, though they span several years. i wrote these as i was ending the first part of my "spiritual journey" (i hate phrases like that but i can't think of anything else) and had come to the conclusion that the God of the bible was in fact God and that Jesus of Nazareth is in fact the messiah. these represent my attempts at both praise and understanding. here we go:

saving grace
the lord is my shepherd, whom shall i fear?
he will always be with me, he will always be near
i have no need to be lonely
because i am never alone
we will work together
i am never on my own
my savior has promised:
on him i can call
as long as i do this
i will never fall
he will never forsake me, his love does not lack
and if i should stray, i can always come back
what greater love is there but to die that we might live?
what greater gift is there that someone can give?
always remember, he is eternal love
he is the greatest good that comes from above

believe
believe with all your mind
and believe with all your soul
force your way through the trouble
and strive for the goal
people are on the street
and people are at war
you thought you knew it all
but it was easier before
why does all this happen?
when will all this end?
i tell you there's a plan
that you can not comprehend
i have been to the mountain top
i have seen the promised land
we will live with his love
in his kingdom fine and grand
i have wept for love of him
and he for love of me
though his love is never far
sometimes it's hard to see
he will guide you with his immortal light
until you make it home
and you will have eternal life
no more on earth to roam
but until the king of all
calls out my name
i will do his good work
for that is my aim
the rock of ages will be there
to guide me all the way
and then he'll call me into his light
on that great and glorious day

blessings
god bless the children and the wild things
for the peace that their innocence brings
god bless the dads and all of the mothers
and show favor upon sisters and brothers
god bless the weak who in Christ are strong
and be with the sinner who tries not to do wrong
god bless my friends for whom i would die
and send them your spirit from morning till night
god bless all of the husbands and wives
send peace and contentment into their lives
and finally, i pray, god bless me
that i am all i can be

he is with me
i once hoped for death
for the pain to just end
my immoral actions
i could no longer defend
staring off in the distance
my eyes glazed with fear
i could feel the hand of evil
drawing ever near
when suddenly there came a light
my fear, i knew it could kill
in the light i saw the creator
saying, "i love you still"
and to my cowering tormentor
he commanded to be gone
then he looked at me and said,
"child, it's been so long"
he reached down into the depths
and he lifted me from the night
"you can not do it alone," he said
"so together we shall fight"
with tears in both our eyes
and his glory now made known
he takes my hand and says,
"child, i'll lead you home"

"The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to perish, but wants everyone to repent and be changed" (2 peter 3:9).

when i die

this one would have been written some time near the end of ninth grade or the beginning of the tenth, when i was really exploring ideas of faith and life after death. it has always been my philosophy from early on that a funeral should be, amidst the obvious sorrow, a celebration of a life well lived and an eternal life just begun. this poem unfortunately shows my early theological mistakes (becoming an angel).

when i die, sing;
for my spirit flies like on eagle's wing
when i die, though you will baptize me with you tears
cry not in sorrow, for i live no more with fears
but cry out for joy, for i am joyous too
so be joyous with me, for i am still with you
and i will watch over you,
like every angel should
and see to it that you are safe
just like on earth i would
after a time we will see each other,
again face to face
than our spirits shall fly together
because of God's mercy and grace

this is a good place to insert a favorite proverb of mine (a native american proverb): "when you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. live your life in such a way that when you die the world cries and you rejoice."

a man named zues

this is another narrative, i think it may actually have been earlier than "fear" poem. one tell-tale sign is the use of the word "scuz," which i abandoned by seventh grade at the latest.

let me tell you the story of old man zues
who's father died by the noose
born nearly 100 years ago
in a cabin, in the snow
when he was young he had a heart of gold
but this quickly changed as he grew old
when he was only ten
he had his first fight
he was determined
to prove his might
he got hurt
and hit
and kicked
and trashed
then thrown
and mangled
and beat
and bashed
and in case you have not figured out:
he did not win that bout
well zues was mad, that's easy to see
but he had too much pride to flee
instead he trained, and trained real hard
to keep from becoming a tub of lard
he built his muscle, his power, his might
and once again he was ready to fight
he was his bout without a doubt
and suddenly he carried a lot more clout
he gained in fame
he was now in charge
by the time he was twenty
he was livin' large
"I'm the greatest! I am strong!"
"Don't cross me man, don't do me wrong!"
"I'll knock you down 'cause I'm the best,"
"You mess with me you die like the rest!"
well zues continued to lie
and cheat
and fight
so the cops came for him
in the night
he shot at them, they shot back
then they started to raid his shack
zues ran away, forever gone
off to commit another wrong
they caught him though, put him in a cage
where he grew to middle age
as he grew old, he grew wise
and a lot easier to despise
he controlled the other prisoner's lives
controlled their children
controlled their wives
he once again grew in clout
and used that power to help him break out
he ran away where they wouldn't find
and he left his other life behind
zues found himself a little lady
and had himself a little baby
but this being good he couldn't stand
so more crime he began
he ran away, left his wife
he went back to his evil life
"gotta steal, lie and cheat,"
"that evil feeling can't be beat!"
well time passed as it often does
but old man zues was still a scuz
zues grew wrinkled, old, and gray
he couldn't continue in his way
he stayed at home, never more to roam
where he died sad--and alone
does this story have a moral?
is it not to lie and not to quarrel?
well, there really isn't one
i wrote the story just for fun

the fear must not show

this is another early one, from the ninth grade. i really like narrative poetry, and this is one of my first attempts. looking back i think it was rather metaphorical for the way high school life just kept coming at me, like an invading army. oh, and the "heaven above me, hell below" reference at the end, i would never do that now. here we go:

darkness envelopes the lonely night
all my soul is filled with fright
my fear must not show,
the enemy must not know
for now i must fight--
in the darkness of night
out of the night torches glow
an army marches like a river flow
the beating of drums echoes in my ears
it's time to suppress all my fears
they will not stop, forward they come
all the while beating the drum
now is the time to press back my fear
as their army draws ever near
i draw my sword and i'm ready to fight
i step out into the darkness of night...
i march forward, my fear is not showing
i leave my fate to the All Knowing
the swords will soon taste blood
the river of army will soon be a flood
now the two armies clash
the torches turn flesh into ash
a cry of battle, a cry of pain
blood falls everywhere as if it were rain
we fight for our lives, they fight for glory
for generations to come they will tell our story
the story shall be grand, though the battle was not
the story will be renewed, the bodies will rot
i feel a pain in my gut
my fear has returned
the torches ignite me
my body is burned
heaven is above me
hell is below
when i enter the other side
my fear will not show

disenchanted

this is embarrassing, but i suppose i ought to start with some of the early stuff. i wrote this one in the eight grade as my idealism was beginning and very sporadic. originally i called it "what's the matter with the world today?", but that just seems so dramatic now. here we go:

what's the matter with the world today?
our kids can't even go outside to play
the drugs, the environment, and the violence
why can't we form an alliance?
work together, stop the crime
can't you see we're running out of time?

open your eyes and look around
up in the sky, down on the ground
trees are falling
skies are gray
what's the matter with the world today?

in the distance i hear the gun blast
the screeching of tires, they flee the scene fast
on the pavement a body lays
another person comes to the end of his days
i look at the scene and i have to say,
what's the matter with the world today?

an athlete, he's strong, his performance is great
only good food is seen on his plate
he pops a pill in his mouth and shrugs
"it's not like i'm hooked on drugs"
look at the pressure on his face
on wrong move and he'll be disgraced
it's only a game, the word is 'play'
what's the matter with the world today?

a homeless man wanders the streets
he begs from everyone he meets
"i'll work for food or a place to stay"
what's the matter with the world today?

people are suffering
the earth is practically gone
we've got to work together, we've got to get along
i've only got one more thing to say
we've got to save the world today

poetic gobbitly gook

myspace, facebook, and blogspot too
so many sites, what to do?
each one juvenile, sophmoric poo
yet my iconoclast notions each will undo
for i have surrendered and given in
and the poetic blogging now will begin
with legions of adolescents now by my side
i'm starting to surf the internet tide
but before i do, this warning i give
life via computer is no way to live
so get off the couch or the chair or the stool
or wherever you're sitting and playing the fool
talk to a person and not this machine
get out of the house and see sights yet unseen
but in the midst of your travels and places you'll roam
remember to comeback tomorrow and read my next poem